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Saturday, October 6, 2007

Is It Thursday Yet??

Excited now.

But terrified, as well. Not of the meeting, that's gonna be a fun piece of cake. Fondant, even.

I don't want to leave my kids. No, it's not that I don't want to leave my kids, it's that I don't want to scare them by leaving. R still has night terrors of me leaving, and I hate that I did that to her. The plan was to take them to sister-in-laws home, put them to bed there, etc. No scary wake in the wee hours to leave kind of stuff. But I don't want to do that. I want them to feel safe and go to bed in their own beds. Ideally I'd find some kind angel willing to come to my home at 4am and be there for the kids when they wake up, then deliver said children to sister-in-laws home to play all day. That would be perfect. However. I know no such angel. I don't even really know how to begin to find such a person. And that makes me sad, because I don't want to hurt my kids. I want them to feel safe and secure at all times. Me leaving, taking them somewhere strange to sleep isn't doing that, nor is waking them to deliver them to that strangeness. So no matter what, I lose. No, I don't lose. My children lose. Which is worse.

9 comments:

Eskimo said...

I wanna babysit! Talk about catch-22.

It's only for one day, I am sure everything will work out fine..

Bump Fairy said...

Oh I'm very much aware that I'm somewhat overreacting. And I trust my sister in law above anyone else with my kids, actually. She's just plain awesome. But how many nights will R wake up crying about the "black car" because of this, you know? Kids are VERY good at the guilt-trip. No, it'll be fine. We'll go over, play with the "big kids" and have a super fun sleepover.. it will be fine. But one of the requirments of parenthod is the ability to freak out over nothing on a whim. I'm perfecting the art.

Lynlee said...

"I don't even really know how to begin to find such a person. "


You move to Kansas. That's how.

Bump Fairy said...

I SO WANT TO MOVE TO KANSAS!!!

Dh has agreed to keeping a watchful eye out on openings in the IT department there... because if one comes up, he's applying! OR. When this surrogacy journey is over, perhaps we'll just take the opportunity to change the scenery then. Who knows. But the more I research, the more I think that is an AWESOME idea and something that could really benefit my family! Plus! I'd already have a buddy there! Now how perfect is that, I ask you.

Franay said...

I just have to point out.......

Oh for God's sake!!!

If you don't adopt the attitude that this is a fun sleepover they'll never have fun sleepovers!! You should be building it up in their minds, counting down the days on the calendar that they get to go stay with their awesome aunts and super fun cousins!! Make it the biggest treat in the world!!

Ok, that's my two cents. If it makes you feel any better, it took me a while to get used to leaving C anywhere. The first time I believe I actually cried. For a straight 15 minutes. Ick, I was such a weenie!

Bump Fairy said...

Well K isn't nearly old enough to understand the concept of "fun sleepover" and R will just freak out... I am the one that cares for my children. I could count the times I've left them with others on one hand, and only once has R went to bed somewhere other then at her house or with me. And she was young, less then a year. K never has. Yes, we're talking about playing with the other kids. And when we're playing, I'll stay there and put her to bed for her fun sleepover, telling her that she's gonna play the WHOLE next day, and won't that be fun? It's still going to be scary for her. Have I not mentioned enough times the night terrors she's already getting from the 2 other times we left her? This isn't normal toddler seperation anxiety. These are night terrors. About real events. I caused that. I have to own that effect and move on with as positive an attitude as possible with this one. It would be different if my children were in the care of others from infancy; that isn't the case. The day is NORMAL and SAFE for them because I'm there. They don't know any other way. So yah. I'll be a bit nervous about this as I've already made a bad start at it.

Kate said...

It's officially 9am Thursday here.. so yes, it is thursday! Lol.

Best of luck!

Life Is Good said...

Okay night terrors can just occur. They don't need to have some traumatic event to have bad dreams.
PLUS if they can feel that you are anxious about leaving them somewhere then they will be anxious about going. Yes you are their mommy and the best person to provide care for them but other people can care for them for a short while and they will be just fine. You and Matt need to start leaving them with a babysitter a couple times a month so that they learn some self confidence. If you start now...the first day of kindgergarten is going to be easier for them and you...plus you won't have socially inept kids that way!
It's good that you are nervous..it means you are a loving mommy...but you need to lengthen the leash baby...it will be good for both of you. A good healthy emotional relationship depends on them building some of their own things and you need to do this too.

Franay said...

Are you back yet??